We attended church last night.
I know that shouldn't seem like a big deal since we are, in fact, a family of believers, but it was a big deal. For the boys and me it was the first time ever setting eyes on the building. In my imagination it went from being a heavenly oasis filled with white robed people playing harps and saying "God bless you, sister" to a clapboard shack filled with Bible thumping, sweating people hollering while they handled their snakes, to everything in between. For the boys it went from....well, it didn't go from anything to anything. In their minds it was sure to be a place filled with perfect teenagers with perfect clothes who were stuck up snobs who, of course, couldn't be bothered to give them the time of day. It was, in fact, neither. It was simply a building, a very average one at that, filled with people just like us, people who love God and are trying to do the best they can to follow Him. I will stop just short of saying this is the church God is putting us in, but it does appear this is the way He is leading us.
That fact is what is so scary to me.
I know I am not alone in the types of thoughts that were/are running through my head. What will these people be like? Will they like me? Will I fit in? Is there a place for me to serve here? I found I was as nervous as a kid entering a new high school the first day. Do you remember those feelings? I am an adult, a mother of 5, married for almost 20 years and yet I still struggle with the same insecurities and self-doubt as I did as a teenager. If this is the church home God has for us and I screw it up I'm sunk!
I don't think I fully realized the importance of friendships and relationships with other Christians until I found myself without them. I know I retain the support and love from my friends back in Georgia, but they are just that, back in Georgia. It's kind of hard to call one up and say "hey! let's go grab some coffee! I can be at Starbucks in 7 hours or so!" Starting over is just plain hard!
I am so thankful that I don't have to start over with God. He already knows me, warts and all, and He loves me anyway. I have a feeling there will be people in our new church who will feel the same way, people He will put me in contact with who will look past my shortcomings to see the person He is making me into. My struggle will be to open my heart and let that person shine through. A friendship is not a true friendship until that happens. How can you be friends with someone who doesn't let you see the real person inside. So, my goal will be to be myself, with all my weirdness and goofiness, with all my shortcomings and failures, with all my gifts, my triumphs, my scars, my good qualities and my bad. That is never an easy thing to do, put yourself out there like that, but I know God is gracious to me and, although I'm sure there are times He simply shakes His head at me and wonders what He got Himself into, He hasn't thrown me to the wolves yet. So, I'll be back at church when Sunday rolls around, ready to meet more people and try to open my heart again. If you're in the area you should stop on by. Just leave your snakes outside and don't bother to cover your warts. Mine will be showing as well.
Soaked in His blessings,
Spokenfor
:) loving it.
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