Why I Now Prefer Bacon

                                                                    (the guilty one)


It's raining.  It's a rainy Saturday afternoon and I am not napping.  Instead, I am sitting in my (newly painted and, might I say, beautiful!) office.  Why, you ask?  Have you ever been so filled up, that if you didn't let something out, you were going to bust a gut?  (It's a southern saying, let your imagination work on it)  That pretty much describes me this afternoon.

It was the weekend of our annual women's/teen girl's conference at church and, as always, Pastor Laura puts on a heck of shindig!

I arrived at the church Friday afternoon along with about 40 other women.  I stopped off at the registration desk to pick up all the swag the ladies had been so cool to fix up for me.  There was the obligatory note pad and pen (presumably so we could jot down all the cool stuff we heard), a schedule of events (so we could be sure we were always in the right place at the right time), a few peppermints (so those praying for us would not be slain in the spirit by all the coffee breath), and a pink t-shirt.  In my case, a large, pink t-shirt.   

The first session was entitled "Hot and Holy Matrimony".  I went in, found a seat and sat like a baby bird with my mouth open to the ceiling waiting to be fed.  Those who know me have seen me sit like that before, but usually around the buffet table, but that is a different blog all together.  I had never heard our speaker, Deanna Shroder, but when she walked up in a leopard print jacket, skinny jeans and stilettos, I developed an instant girl crush!  I can no longer wear shoes like that.  As I aged and gave birth to so many maniacal, insanity producing offspring beautiful little boys, I found my chest never returned to it's pre-pregnancy size.  Now if I try to wear those heels, I tip forward just enough that the extra weight of "the girls" causes me to fall right on my face.  Face down is not really a good look for me, although from the ankle down, I look fabulous!  But I digress.......

I have never thought of myself as a prude, I'm not one to giggle over the anatomically correct names for body parts or blush when my pastor's wife mentioned "divine fellowship" in our marriage sermon.  All of that flies out the window, however, when you bring in the "O" word.  I realize this was a group of married (mostly) women, sitting in a women's conference, listening to a teaching entitled "HOT and holy matrimony".  All that aside, I don't know that I will ever reach the point where I can hear that word, that many times, IN THE CHURCH.  I felt a little like I did in 6th grade when I decided I was grown up enough to use the "F" word.  It came out of my mouth one time.  The coolness factor is greatly reduced when you then turn and look around to be sure your mom didn't hear you!  That's kind of the way it was during this teaching.  I kept expecting to hear my mother calling out to me from the sound booth upstairs and I was sure she would be using my full name like she did the time she caught me shutting my little brother up in the dryer.  But, again, I digress......

We had a couple of really great sessions yesterday afternoon and a wonderfully anointed service last night.  I went home tired, but excited for what the Lord had in store for the next day.

This morning, I got up to a quiet house.  Everyone else was still sleeping and the house had that peaceful, all is right with the world, feeling.  I had laid my clothes out the night before.  We were all supposed to wear our pink t-shirts so I pulled out my fairly new mint green jeans and pink tennis shoes to complete my oh so fashionable outfit.  I guess I spent a little too much time enjoying my cup of coffee and facebook because I suddenly realized I was running out of time and would have to put a move on!  I was glad I had laid everything out the night before.  I rushed through my make-up, argued with my hair a little and then grabbed my clothes.  I don't know why I bought mint green jeans.  After the 80's I said I would never buy colored denim again.  I had a sudden desire for big hair and leg warmers.  They always said the higher your hair, the closer to Jesus, but another blog, again.  With not much time to spare, I slipped my t-shirt on, or I should I say I attempted to slip my t-shirt on.  You see, when I filled out my initial registration paperwork I was going to request a certain size shirt. (no, I will not tell you what size I wear! I can't believe you would even ask!) The person working the registration table (the one that was once a friend of mine!) said "oh no! you don't need that size!  You need the size below that!" I tried to tell her she was wrong, but she just kept on and on and on and eventually, my vanity overtook my common sense and I ordered the size she told me to.  That's how I found myself with only minutes to spare and a shirt whose arms fit more like gloves than sleeves.  I looked like a large, pink sausage.  I have had more attractive moments in my life.  This was not, however, my first morning being fat.  I knew what to do.  I started pulling and tugging and stretching that shirt.  J wasn't quite sure what to think about the noises flowing from behind the bathroom door.  He wasn't sure if I was getting dressed or passing a kidney stone!

I did eventually get that shirt to the point where could wear it, of course, it now has no seams in the arms, but I can wear it without scaring any small children I might meet.  Today's conference was wonderful.  The Lord moved and I was blessed to spend time with his children in his presence.  But here's the deal - I almost missed it.  When I was staring in my early morning mirror at a large hunk of pink breakfast meat, I very nearly gave up and went back to bed.  I certainly did not want to be the only one not wearing pink.  I knew that room was going to look like the energizer bunny had given birth to a multitude of pink offspring, who then congregated all in one room and I didn't want to be the one who stood out, not that I have to be miss-dressed to stand out!

I could have let that little shirt mishap, and I do mean little, keep me from my blessing.  I could have climbed right back into my comfy bed.  I could have been satisfied to have a cool new pink cleaning rag and a few extra hours of sleep.  I could have, but I chose not to.  How many times have we allowed a speed bump to take on the proportions of mountain in our lives?  Why do we allow a pebble to derail our locomotive?  a single raindrop ruin our parade, a tiny tap pop our balloon, a, a, a,....  okay, I'm out of metophores!  But you get the picture!  It's time to become women of resolve!  It's time to set our face to the prize and let nothing stop us from gaining entrance into his presence.  Let us not be turned away from anything the Lord has for us by anything the enemy can throw at us.  It's happens every day.  Are you surprised when you sit down with the word and the phone rings, or the baby wakes up or someone knocks on the door, or you have to go pull your 3 yr old off the top of a 30 foot windmill?  Oh! does that last one only happen to me?  sorry! that's a story for a different time!  My point is, we have a foe, a defeated foe, but a foe nonetheless.  Why are we then surprised when he comes against us in any way?  It's time to rise up, ladies.

My challenge to you this week is to be aware of the little things the enemy uses to try to dissuade us from pressing into all the Lord has for us.  I'm as guilty as the next one, but this morning, the Lord called me on it.  He didn't allow me to take my pink pork belly back to bed and, I have to say, I am so glad that he didn't because I would have missed out on an opportunity to learn something new about Him.  Isn't that what it's all about anyway - not just learning about him, but also, learning him?

So forge ahead! Rise up! Sally forth! Put the pedal to the metal! Haul buns!..........uhmmm.... okay, that's all I've got, but you get the message.  Meanwhile, I'll be here, peeling off this shirt and discovering a new appreciation for the people who stuff the sausage.  Tomorrow morning I think I'll stick with bacon.  I'm just saying, painful memories and all.......  till then, I'm

Soaked in His blessings,
Spokenfor

Don't live in a cardboard box if your neighbor is a cat

This morning we almost had a lesson on the circle of life at our house.  We saw new life, almost saw death and heard a lot of screaming in the process.  I guess I should be more clear, huh?

A few weeks back a pair of little sparrows decided to set up housekeeping in our garage.  To make matters worse, they fell in love with a little one bedroom cardboard box that sits right outside the door that goes into the house.  It's a lovely little starter home, but the heavy traffic makes it a less than ideal location.  Nevertheless, it was in their price range so they bought it and moved right in.  It wasn't long before there were, not one, but two little eggs in the nest in the cardboard box.  The other drawback to their urban location was the fact that every night the garage door closed, and if they weren't careful, this would leave their little eggs unprotected and unwarmed all night long. 

It was bound to happen, and one night, it finally did.  The garage door closed with neither little bird home to sit the nest.  I was sure the eggs would never survive.  Still, mama was tenacious and continued to warm what I thought were eggs now suitable only for a very small omelet. 

After all of these tragic happenings, imagine my surprise this morning when we discovered a tiny little naked, nasty looking (just being honest here!) alien type thing emerging from one of the eggs!  Actually, J is the one who discovered it.  He had left the door to the garage open as he was calling to me to come see it.  As I walked towards the door a little brown blur flew past me at the speed of sound, or so.  Mama bird had seen the open door, thought J was a threat and had tried to escape- by flying into my house! 

We all calmly set into motion, a carefully constructed plan to throw a blanket over her and take her back outside when the unthinkable happened.  Koko, the wonder cat, chose that moment to wander downstairs.  It didn't take long for him to, in an amazingly ninja cat like movement catch mama bird for us.  Unfortunately, he used his mouth to do it!  That's when things became really interesting, interesting and loud, and also pretty crazy. 

As Koko tried to run from the room with his prize, Mumbles was laughing, as loudly as only a teenage boy can.  J was yelling at the top of his very impressively developed voice, as only an irate dad of teenage boys can, and I was running around trying to figure out what in the world was going on!  Koko, meanwhile, decided that being chased by a family of crazy people while trying to hold on to a crazed, flapping ball of feathers, was not actually his cup of tea.  Who knew?!  Thankfully, Koko let her go.

We still haven't figured out what happened next.  Mama bird vanished, simply disappeared.  We searched high and low with no luck.  I was sure she has rolled away somewhere to gasp her last breath through her trembling little beak, never to see the ugly little face of her newly hatched baby.  After searching forever, we gave up hoping she had managed to escape through the door we had left open.  About an hour later, however, I heard a strange noise from upstairs.  It was the sound of a tiny, but frantic battle ensuing.  Mama bird had, somehow, found her way upstairs to Mumbles room and was now being pursued by Yum-Yum, the less than ninja like cat.  Fortunately, Yum-Yum, while gorgeous, is old, cross-eyed and the most exercise he gets in a day is when he is forced to leave Mumble's room and amble down the hall to his food dish. It wasn't very likely he was actually going to catch little mama but when, in her panic, she allowed herself to be cornered, I thought for sure it was all over.   I scooped him up, or at least as much as you can scoop a very large, very excited lump of fur and banished him from the room.  I then opened all the windows that didn't have screens in his room, went out and shut the door and hoped for the best.

I don't know if mama made it out or not.  I can't find her and she hasn't turned back up in the garage that I have seen.  I thought about putting out an APB on her or filing a missing birdy report, but I doubt the effectiveness of either of these measures.  So now, I'll just wait and pray, and hope mama comes home to her new babies.  It's harder than heck to find foster homes for the little suckers!

Now comes the other part of the story.  If you have ever read anything I've ever written, you knew to expect there was one! lol

This is the deal, mama bird was in no danger from J, the danger was only her perception.  She panicked and flew the wrong way and got herself into a world of hurt.  How many times have we been guilty of the same reaction?  I know there have been times when the enemy has been close enough to say "boo" and I reacted the same way.  I went tearing off in fear, not stopping to think or really examine the situation.  If I had, I would have been reminded by the Holy Spirit that I had nothing to fear from the enemy of my soul.  He is an already vanquished foe, but you'd never know it by the way I tucked tail and ran! 

We could all learn a lesson from little mama bird.  She let fear take hold and she flew right into danger.  When faced with, what seems like a terrifyingly dangerous situation, let's take the time to check in with the Holy Spirit before running headlong into something much worse.  I don't blame mama, she reacted by instinct, but what are the instincts we are living by?  Do we panic or do we trust?  Do we let fear overtake our hearts or do we run, not blindly in terror, but into the strong tower of the Lord?  Proverbs 18:10 tell us,

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run in to it and are safe".

 As children of the Lord, we are called his righteousness so that means us!  We have a place to run when faced with the scary, sometimes dangerous things life can throw at us.   The word tells us in 1 Peter 4:12-13

" Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's suffering, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy."

So you can see there will be times in life when we will need that strong tower to run into.  When those times hit, I pray there will be no wild rush to try to secure our own safety, but a quiet assurance that he has our back, he is our protector and our refuge and there's no need to panic.  That's a truth we will all do well to learn.  That is my challenge to both you and to myself this week.  We all know the Lord "has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind".  Despite, what you may have heard being reported in the liberal media lately, I do, indeed, have a sound mind.  I'm just not sure where it went, but wherever it is, I can assure you, it is sound.  So, dear readers, when faced with fear, run! but be sure you're running to Him and not just plain running. 

Meanwhile, I'll be here, sweeping up feathers, putting the cats in time out and knitting tiny little baby bird booties.  I think mama might be registered at  Birds R Us, but I'll check with her and let you all.  Till next time, I am......

Soaked in His blessings,
Spokenfor

UPDATE:  Mama is back on her nest and she and both babies are doing just fine!  I guess it's true, His eye really is on the sparrow! 

Hyper Dogs and Closed Doors

This past week was a crazy busy week here.  We had something going on every single day.  I took advantage of mother’s day, yesterday, to finally get my office painted.  It is a project that I have been wanting to do for a while, but just never seemed to have the time to get it done.  The good thing about waiting till mother’s day, was the men folk in the house felt a little obligated to help me out!  Once J taped everything off, the painting part was a breeze and I finished it in no time!  So now I’m working in an office that is finally starting to look like an adult works here instead of Sanfred and Sons! Now if I can just convince Bella that is not her potty!

That reminds me of another little critter I made friends with when I was up in Boone recently.   You may recall the post I wrote about mountain Bella.  She is happily married to another little black and white rescue dog by the name of Joshiah, Joe for short.  Joe is an interesting little dog.  To say that he is energetic, would be like saying a southern preacher might be fond of friend chicken.  At first I thought "I wish I had a third of his energy", but then I decided my body would self-destruct!  He had an adorable habit that I really wish I had been able to catch on video to share with you all.  You see, Joe is a jumper. 

There were times when Joe’s mama would put him and mountain Bella out to, well, you know, do their little doggie business, or just to get them out from under her feet for a bit.  The large, beautiful front doors on the retreat house were two thirds glass and looked out over a gorgeous view.  Imagine my surprise one day when, as I was gazing out these doors, there was suddenly a little furry canine face just about even with mine.  But wait, was there?  As quick as it registered what it was, it was gone again.  I only had to wait a moment before my suspicions were confirmed by the appearance of the same furry face.  This was repeated over and over again, much to my delight!  I walked over to the door and looked out to find Joe jumping up to look into the door.  He was, it seems, more than ready to come back inside and did not understand the delay.  Mountain Bella, meanwhile, was sitting calmly watching him expend all this energy.  I think Joe would have jumped for hours and Bella would have been content to watch him!  Now, eventually, their mama came out of the office, opened the door, and let them both back inside.  It was a scene I would see repeated many times in my week on the mountain. 

Now, my faithful readers, you know there is always more to the story, and this time is no different.  You see, J and I find ourselves in a time of waiting on God to open doors in our life.  Just like those two little hairy kiddos, I am waiting for things to swing open so I can walk on into the next stage in my life.  The question is; while we are waiting on the front porch, will we be waiting calmly, trusting the Lord to open the door at the right time or will we be like little Joe and spend our time jumping, trying to get a peek at what’s on the other side of the door or convince the Lord that NOW would be a good time to open it? 

One thing I have found out about the Lord, he moves in his own time.  I think we have all heard the phrase, “God is never late, but he is seldom early”.  I have found this to be so true.  His timing is always perfect.  He will open the door when he is ready to open the door and no amount of jumping up and down on our part is going to sway him one little bit.  He loves us too much to allow our impatience to effect his plan for our lives. 

This week, I would challenge you to take a seat, pull up a chair, find a place to light, calm down, relax, take a breather, peace out, just chill! Try exercising your faith a bit, instead of your hind legs, or uuumm, your jumping muscles or something like that.  I plan on making it my goal to be more like mountain Bella and sit quietly and trustingly by the door till my father deems it time for it to be opened.  Beside, I’m getting way too old to jump that high and if I get my hind end up enough to peek in the window, the coming down part is not going to end well.   

So, dear readers, go forth and um, well, sit!  

Meanwhile, I’ll be here, chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school…. Oh wait, that’s a different post……….  (10 points for anyone who can tell me what that’s from!! Lol)  The point is trust, and be patience, and maybe relax a little, and if you happen to find your way to a comfy chair, in a shady spot, with a little sweet tea in your hand, I'm not one to judge!  Till next time I'm...........

Soaked in His blessings,

Spokenfor

Yappy Cotton Balls and Great Big Sucking Machines

Hey everybody!  Guess where I am!!

How many of you shook your head and said "Starbucks"?  Be honest!  Well, as usual, you would be right.  Once again I have come to the mountain of the caffeine gods to spill the inane ramblings I am forced to endure inside my own brain.  I figure, if I have to put up with them, then so do you.

Actually, this is the first time in a couple of days since I have found myself nestled into my familiar chair at my usual table in, what everyone should recognize, is my office.  I simply allow all these other people access.  Now, it is true that I was here yesterday, but there was no where to sit so I took my coffee and retreated to the sanctity of my home office. While just as familiar, I find I am not near as productive.

I did managed to accomplish something at home that I couldn't do here in my mobile office; I cleaned the living room and vacuumed it.  My long time readers know of the small, furry child I share my home with.  She has a tendency to make a bit of a mess.  So I cleaned up all the rawhide bones, all the small squeaky toys and other canine paraphernalia and found a rug underneath.  Who knew?! What I also found most entertaining was Bella's reaction to the vacuum cleaner.  It seems in dog world anything that makes that much noise and sucks stuff up can only be terribly dangerous and as such, must be viciously attacked at every opportunity.  Really, when you think of it from her point of view, it is much, much larger than her, it does make an awful lot of noise, and it does make a lot of stuff she considers her to disappear.  I tried to make her understand there was no reason to keep the scraps of paper, pine cones and bits of pop tart wrapper that she had collected, but she failed to see the validity of my arguments.     It was pretty disturbing to her, as you can see by the video that I have, hopefully, successfully attached to the top of this post.

Once again, dear reader, my brain went sideways with this whole incident.  I had to think, how many times have I been just like my four-footed cotton ball?  How many times have I taken one look at something the Lord has brought into my life to clean it up and set it right, and attacked?  I know there have been times when he has brought his spiritual vacuum into my heart and life to suck up all the random, unnecessary things I have picked up on my way through life and I have fought him tooth and nail.  I just can't seem to make him understand how much I need that little bit of judgement, or the entertainment that moment of gossip brings me or just how good it feels to indulge in just a tiny amount of bitterness, or, my favorite, attend that pity party that I spent all that money on having catered and everything!

The whole time, he is only doing what is best for me.  I couldn't leave that mess on the floor.  It, actually, was dangerous for Bella to be chewing on the random bits of refuse dropped by my kids as they scampered around the house. (ok, I admit, the little one is really the only one who scampers, the teenagers really slump more, or even stomp, occasionally there is breezing in and out involved, but really, no scampering)  I vacuumed up things that were choking hazards and some that could have made her sick.  I tried to explain it to her, but since I don't speak dog, all she heard was "blah, blah, toy, blah, blah, outside, blah, blah, bad dog, blah, blah".  You get the picture.  I'm sure she wishes I would study harder to learn her language!  Meanwhile, I'm just wishing she would learn to hit the pee pad!

The Lord is guilty of doing no less.  How many times have we prayed to be closer to him, to be more aware of his presence, to walk/live in communion with him?  I cannot number the prayers I have prayed for him to make me the person he already sees me to be.  Then, when he comes and, with him, his light, things are exposed that once happily hid in the darkness.  I have to tell you, my living room floor looked pretty darn good with the lights out.  It was only when the morning came and the light streamed, in that I could see what needed to be cleaned out.  So it is with the Holy Spirit.  He comes, he brings his light, and, BINGO!  It's time to vacuum!

My challenge to you this week, faithful readers, is to not emulate my favorite wet-nosed girlfriend. (no, I'm not talking about you, M, I'm referring to the dog!)  When the Lord comes to help us clear away the safety hazards in our life, let's not attack the tool he uses.  It wasn't the vacuum's fault, it was the operator!  It's not the fault of the tool the Lord uses, be it a situation, or a person.  The Lord is using it to help us see ourselves as he already sees us; pure, holy, without spot, blemish, or pop tart wrapper. 

So relax, chill, hop up on the couch and let him work, or you may find yourself shut up in your kennel just like Bella did, without so much as a squeaky toy to keep you company!

Meanwhile, I'll be here, working on my second language and cleaning up after a very ungrateful puppy.  It's a good thing she's cuter than most of my kids or she would have been made into a purse by now, well, that I can lock her up in her kennel.  People get a little ticky if you do that with one of your kids.  Don't ask how I know that, just trust me!  Till next time, I'll continue to be....

Soaked in His blessings,

Spokenfor