Why You Should Always Lock Your Cabinets!

My kids are a constant source of joy in my life. Let me rephrase, I am always thankful for my children. Let me try that one more time, there are times when I tolerate the little people who came from my body and now reside in my house. Do you kids ever embarrass you? I think mine have it down to a fine art. After raising so many boys I've become immune to a lot of it. You know, the stuff like when they smack each other in public, or wear their jeans so baggy their underwear show. No problem, you're the one who looks foolish, not me! I can so handle those times. I'm talking about the moments you want to crawl under the carpet and pretend you never had time to procreate.

I remember one such time when Monkey Boy was about 5 years old. We were having some kind of party/family gathering at our house. We had about 40 people there. With so many people around, half of them extended family I was guilty of not watching him very closely as I figured if he started gushing blood or exploded into flames or threatened anyone with his pocket knife someone around would either handle it or let me know about it. It turns out, not so much. I was in the opposite end of the house, of course, when I heard a good bit of laughter coming from the living room. I remember smiling and thinking to myself what a wonderful hostess I was that people were having such a great time talking and laughing. While I was patting myself on the back, my 5 year old was, in fact, providing the entertainment. He came sauntering in the kitchen to ask for a drink. I looked down at him and suddenly understood why everyone was laughing. It seems he had gotten a scratch somehow and felt, as all 5 yr olds do, that it immediately deserved a band-aid and, being such a big boy, he would just handle that himself. The only problem with this line of thought was he couldn't reach them. However, being so ingenious, he discovered the perfect solution. There, in Mom's bathroom was a little bag under the sink with the biggest band-aids he had ever seen! Each one was folded and wrapped in it's own little wrapper. He thought "Mom's been holding out on me! She's saving all the really good band-aids for herself!". Being so proud of his discovery he had to remove his shirt so everyone could see how big he was with his really big band-aid, before he strolled through 40 people to find me. Imagine my horror upon seeing my cute little boy covered in maxi pads! People were laying on the floor laughing. There were those who needed oxygen and one uncle whom I thought was going to need a defibrillator! I have never lived this down, and neither has he. He's almost a teenager now and claims to have absolutely no memory of the event, but the red on his face whenever it comes up tells a different story!

I'm no stranger to such deeds as this either, albeit unintentional, so Monkey Boy comes by it naturally. I remember in Wyoming a time I wanted to crawl in a hole and pull it in over me. We had moved to a new house and found we needed a new cable for the tv to replace one that had broken during the move. So, one Saturday afternoon I headed out to the local Radio Shack to secure the needed tv watching supplies. I was so proud of myself because I had remember to bring the old one with me so I was sure to get the right kind. I entered a very crowded store and, after a little bit of a wait, was approached by a young man, who, if out of high school was not by much. When he asked me what I needed, I replied, "I need another one of these" as I so proudly whipped the broken cord from my purse. Unfortunately, little did I know it had become tangled around, you guessed it, a giant maxi pad! As I whipped (there really is no other word the way I did it) it from my purse the pad came flying out with it, hit a gentleman standing close by in the back of his bald head, and landed at the feet of the poor, confused teenager. I'll never forget the look on the face of the bald man as he turned around to find out what was being thrown at him. At that point I prayed God would just rapture me right out of there. I can tell the story now without dying of mortification, but it was touch and go there for a while!

I've sometimes wondered if God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit sit around and tell stories about their kids. I can hear it now, "remember the time....." and they all laugh. I'm sure, if that's true, I have supplied them with endless hours of material to talk about.

I guess if you can't laugh at yourself you'll spend too much time crying!

Excuse me now, I think I left the bathroom cabinets unlocked and I just remembered I now have another 5 year old in the house. I'd better go take care of that!

Soaked in His blessings,
Spokenfor