Does My Femininity Scare You?

I’ve got just a bit of a bee in my bonnet today.  Okay, I don’t actually wear a bonnet and haven’t since I was about 5 years old (I have pictures to prove it, it was white) and there is not actually a bee anywhere in sight, but I think you get the drift of what I mean.  I could say I have a bone to pick, but that’s just nasty.  I mean, who wants to pick at bones?!  I thought about getting on my soap box but, honestly, I’m afraid of heights so I thought it was best to stay away from that.  All that to say that I am mildly annoyed today and the more I think about it, the more annoyed I get.  Now I know some of you would just suggest that I stop thinking so much because, let’s be honest, it’s not an activity for which I am known to particularly excell.  All that to say, this is not the typical blog you, my dear readers, are accustomed to seeing from me.  I don’t have a funny story or any more witty remarks.  What I do have is something near and dear to my heart that has been weighing on me lately and I finally reached the point of needing to share it with you.  So, here goes……

I was having a conversation recently with a friend and the topic of opposite gender friendships came up.  This person, whom I greatly respect and admire, made the statement that, although there was someone of the opposite sex that they love like a sibling and would really love to sit down and have a one on one conversation with, they knew they could never do that because it would be inappropriate.  At first, I found myself agreeing with the wisdom of this statement.  I mean, how many of us would think it appropriate, if we are married, to sit down with a friend of the opposite sex and have a private conversation, be it in a coffee shop or a corner café? It’s better to be safe than sorry, right?  No need to court trouble, right?  We should avoid the appearance of evil, right?  

On the surface, all of this sounds reasonable, responsible even.  But is it really?  Let’s look a little closer at it.  Is it not a case of our over-sexualizing things?  If this person is my brother or sister in Christ, if I am happily married and committed to my spouse,  if I am being out in the open with everyone I am involved with, then why must I act as if I can’t be trusted to control myself?  Do we really believe that we are all so subject to moral failure that we must have no interaction with the opposite sex outside of a handshake across the aisle on Sunday morning?  Is this what Jesus modeled for us? 

Let me take a minute and make one thing very clear.  I am not talking about clandestine meetings, long hours spent completely alone working or traveling together, emails and text messages that are hidden from your spouse.  These things are dangerous.  If you find you are drawn to these types of activities I urge you to re-examine your relationship with your spouse and get the help you may need to strengthen your marriage.  Because once those boundaries are crossed, there is no going back and inevitably, great damage is done to all parties involved.  You must take precautions against affairs of the heart as well as of the body.  The first, so easily leads to the second.  

No, I’m talking about good, old-fashioned, life enriching, spiritually edifying friendships.  Why would we think that once someone is married they have no more need for relational input from anyone of the opposite sex aside from their spouse?  Jesus certainly did not act this way.  There are many stories of times he interacted with women, was alone with a woman, and even allowed a woman to touch him, which as a rabbi was unheard of!  Yet he didn’t shy away from entering into relationships with women.  He knew the motives of his heart were pure so it mattered not what anyone else thought.  When will we, as a church, decide to not allow anyone else dictate to us what is appropriate? 

This same friend looked at me completely aghast when I mentioned I had run into a gentleman from my church at Starbucks and we sat and talked for an hour at a table alone.  I say alone - we were in the middle of Starbucks!  Evidently, this could have given others reason to get the wrong idea.  It could have reflected badly on both of us.  I just don’t get it. I really don’t.  I am a happily married, totally committed, Christian woman who had coffee with a happily married, totally committed, Christian who just happened to be my brother in Christ instead of my sister in Christ.  How is that inappropriate?  How much have we missed out on because we have worried about what other people might deem inappropriate instead of what Christ says about it?

Once my eyes were open to this issue, I have seen it everywhere.  I see it in the side to side hugs or those hugs where you stand three feet away and lean in so that the only thing that ever really touches is the shoulders and arms.  In our desperate attempt to make sure that nothing could be construed as sexual, we have, in fact, made everything sexual.  Is it that we honestly believe that every man is just a ball of hormones walking around and every female is either on the prowl or so morally frail as to be vulnerable to being swept away by a genuine, love of Christ-filled hug across the pew during the meet and greet?  Once again, let me make clear, I am not advocating bumping and grinding across the aisles!  I am simply suggesting that we should be able to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ as if they were just that – our blood brothers and sisters.  No one would think anything was amiss if my brother gave me a good old fashioned squeeze.  And it would certainly raise no eyebrows for us to be seen sharing a table at Starbucks.  

I have a couple of guy friends and they enrich my life in ways that are different from my women friends.  I have varying levels of friendships with their wives and my husband and I also enjoy socializing with them as couples.  There has never been anything remotely approaching inappropriate in our relationships and it would rile my dander if anyone suggested as much.  We are the body of Christ and the body is not segregated.  We must use wisdom in all of our relationships, but we should never let fear dictate them.  I have heard reactions on the level of the red scare of the 50’s and 60’s!  

We do a disservice to each other when we act as if we are untouchable.  When a Christian brother deems it unsuitable to give me a hug or have a private conversation, it sends a very quiet, but definite message.  On the surface, you could say that it is a sign of honor and respect, but is it really?  I would argue it could be construed as just the opposite.  It could be seen as a sign that my femininity cannot be trusted. Either he is prone to being morally compromised, or my femininity is a dangerous entity that could draw him in and make him fall into sin.  

The body of Christ needs men and women who will embrace their masculinity and femininity in its purest form, not a perverted sexualized version, but the beauty and strength each is meant to have by the design of the creator.  It is the interaction of the two that gives the body depth and color.  Without it we become two, flat, one-dimensional halves of what should be a vibrant, living community.

 

So I challenge you, my faithful readers, to take a good look at how you relate with all of the members of the body of Christ.  You may very well be greatly enriched in ways you would have never expected when you let your walls down and stop being afraid to relate on a heart level with those of the opposite sex in the pew across from you.  

Until next time I’ll be here, doing what I usually do.  You know, chasing kids and dogs, refereeing teenage dramafests and generally trying to restore peace and order to the world, all while figuring out who all these teenagers are and why they keep calling me Mom!!  

Soaked in His blessings,

Spokenfor

Seasonal Lessons and Planting Seeds

Hi y'all!  It's been a while since I posted anything new.  You know how it goes, so many things seem to make demands on our time - kids, work, school, laundry, housework, homework, cooking, cleaning, shopping, slopping the hogs, milking the cows, herding the cats - you get the picture... So it has gone in the house of madness, aka my home.  But summer is in sight, which brings with it a whole new set of challenges, but most of them seem easier to handle when I don't have to rise before dawn cracks.  Mumbles graduates in just about a week or so and suddenly, I find myself with more kids out of school than in school.  How in the world did that happen?!  I feel pretty old about now especially since I found myself, in all honesty, saying yesterday "Where did the time go? It seems only yesterday...."

There are always seasons in life and so it is that I find myself heading into a new one....again.  It's a good thing, though, this new season thing.  Everybody has them, the real question is - What are you going to learn from it?  There are a couple of things I learned during this past season of life. If you go off on vacation and you leave the thermostat in the house set at 45 degrees, all of your tropical fish will be dead when you return (thanks, honey).  If you leave the window open, you know, the one without a screen over the garage, the one the SECOND FLOOR, the stupid cat is going to fall out of it (he's fine! don't send me mean emails, it wasn't my fault!).  If the 4yr old next door comes over to play and the mom knows but the dad doesn't know and then the mom leaves to run errands without telling the dad where the 4 yr old is, then when the cops come, you will be questioned as a suspect in a kidnapping (true story, I can cross that off my bucket list!).  I also learned that if you depend on your teenagers to pick up their little brother, at one point, someone is going to forget, leaving him stranded at the school until they call multiple people and finally reach someone just as they are about to call child protective services.  I learned if you knock a two liter of soda off the kitchen counter you will get a volcano which will spray Dr. Pepper into every nook and cranny on the lower floor of your house.  So you see, as this season of having multiple smelly, creative, nasty, adventurous, loving, dirty, rowdy, hyper-active boys is winding down I have learned many things.  I'm now an expert in drywall repair. I can bandage a knee, pull a loose tooth, make a mean pb&j, pack a lunch, help with homework and make a pot of coffee all at the same time, and usually before breakfast. 

There are seasons in our walk with our heavenly Father as well.  Sometimes it's spring and all is new and bright and beautiful and then sometimes, it's summer and the heat sucks the strength out of you. Then it's fall with it's cool refreshing but inevitably, that leads into the cold, deadness of winter. And yet, each of these seasons has something wonderful about it.  Without the contrast of winter, we could hardly appreciate the newness of spring.  So it is as we grow in the things of the spirit.  There are seasons of being so aware of His closeness that we expect to see him standing there if we can only turn around quick enough, and then, there are the other times.  You know the ones I'm talking about, the ones no one likes to admit happen in the lives of Christians everywhere, the times when the heavens seem silent and the Lord seems to not even be in the same zip code!  I have been pondering just such a season as of late, wondering why a loving God would seemingly withhold himself?  I had a pretty smart guy (oh my lawd! DO NOT tell him I said that!!) tell me recently that God uses silence to build our faith.  It's a good thing he was not in the room with me when he said that.  As it was, he was too far away to be hit by the things I had at hand to throw.  I guess you could say I didn't like that answer. But after giving it a little bit of thought, it seems, unfortunately, to make sense.  How can our faith grow if it is never exercised?  And how can it be exercised if the object of our faith is always in our sight?  Notice I said "in sight".  The Lord never leaves us, but that doesn't mean he promises to stay where we can see him.

Then there are the times when he is there, I can see him, but it's like one of those group dates you see on that bachelor dating show.  You know, the one where they send one guy out with 20 girls on a "date".  Yeah, that seems like a good idea! Nothing could go wrong with that one!  But I digress... Have you ever had those times with the Lord?  He's there, you can see him, you can even talk to him, but it's missing something. It seems to be surface level almost, not heart level.  It's like being stuck in the friend zone with the guy/girl you keep trying to get to go out with you.  Being close like that makes you crazy!   I'll tell you what else it does, it makes you hunger for more.  Have you thought that maybe that's the point of what the Lord is trying to do? Increase our hunger?

What season are you in right now? Are you in the newness of spring or the seemingly barrenness of winter?  The wilting heat of summer or the coolness of fall?  Are you on a group date? or did you get that rose and are now heading out for your one-on-one?   It's all about seasons.  If you're in a good one, an easy one, enjoy it, it won't last forever.  If you're in a rough one, hang on, it won't last forever.  Learn what he has for you in each season.  Make it count.  I can think of few things worse that going through that winter without planting the bulbs so you get your flowers in the spring.  Don't miss an opportunity to grow in faith, to learn of him, to plant those seeds that will sprout into fruitfulness when spring arrives. For it always does, my dear readers, never fear, His spring always returns. 

So until that time, I'll be here, repairing dry-wall, packing lunches, heading cats, adoring my boys and planting seeds.  This year, I'm thinking of putting in rose bushes, lots of rose bushes...........


Till then, I'll be soaked in His blessings,
Spokenfor

Marriage, bears, and the time I nearly became dinner

This weekend the commander and I are away at the marriage retreat sponsored by our church.  We are at the Billy Graham Training Center in Asheville, NC and it is amazingly beautiful!!  Nestled in the mountains with stunning panoramic views, peaceful, bubbling streams, and a sense of peace that pervades every inch, it is the perfect place to detach from every-day life and reconnect with the one God gave you to walk with.  There is, however, one drawback to this scenic beauty - there is wildlife. Everywhere.  Everyone who knows me well and, in fact, anyone who has known me for more than 5 minutes, knows I have a well-documented issue with bears.  My main problem being, they will eat you.  They are from the devil, everyone knows that.  God put bears on the earth to show us what sorts of things inhabit the nether regions of the underworld.  Anyway, you get the picture.
Last night we had our first session here.  We meet in a building just a little ways up the mountain from where we are staying, but they graciously provide a shuttle to take us back and forth.  It was a great meeting with an interesting, engaging speaker and despite being exhausted from the drive and such we really enjoyed ourselves.  Afterwards, there were snacks downstairs and plenty of time to sit and talk and enjoy ourselves.  Eventually, it was time to head back to our room and here's where things got dicey.  You see, I wanted to wait for the shuttle, but the commander wanted to walk. W.A.L.K!  In the dark, at night, in the woods, in the mountains, where there are bears!  (see above)  It's amazing how quickly all those lovely words about giving yourself for your spouse, about doing things just because it makes them happy, about putting them first can disappear. Gone, every. Last. Word.  When bears are involved, all bets are off!  The thing is, the Holy Spirit can be very difficult to work with at times and though I tried and tried to ignore him, he continued to nudge and nudge and scream in my ear  whisper softly to my heart to step out of my comfort zone and do something my nature loving husband enjoys.  I have nothing against nature, I enjoy nature.  I could stare out the window at it all day long!  Eventually, I could not ignore it any longer so I agreed to make the dangerously epic journey back to the lodge.  Yes, you heard me, I was willing to make the 1/4 mile trek through the bear infested woods, straight down the side of a mountain, in the dead of night back to the safety of the room, all for the love of a certain bald man, despite his scoffing at my bear issue!  Imagine my horror, my abstract terror, when we reached the trail head to find a sign informing us about the BEARS!!  The commander was quick to point out the part that described the furry monsters as "shy" and "non-aggressive".  My problem is, with my luck we would run into the one bear in these mountains with PMS!  I'm pretty sure that I am the equivalent of chocolate to a PMS'ing bear.  I've been told if I ever meet a bear, I don't have to run faster than the bear, I just have to run faster than the one I'm with!  The only thing bad about that is the commander can run laps around me so I would be pretty much toast! And yet love drove me onward, well, love and the fact that by this time we had missed the last shuttle.  I was quite proud of myself when, a mere 15 minutes later, I had completed my epic adventure of walking 1/4 mile, on a wide, graveled, well-lit path, all the way back to my room.  I was proud and my husband was happy.  There's still no need for him to start planning our next outdoor quest, but I'm making baby steps. 

Now, dear readers, those of you familiar with my writings know there is always more to the story and this is no different.  I had come to the mountains to reconnect with my husband, to disconnect from life for just a little while.  I came to step into relaxation and peace. I did not come to step out of my comfort zone, but I am glad that I did.  It made me think and you all know how much I hate it when that happens.  How many times has the Lord brought something to us that is out of our comfort zone and we run the other direction?  How many adventures have we missed out on because of fear and trepidation?  I have to say that I am taking that lesson home with me this weekend.  It has been about more than just my marriage, it has been about me, and I guess that ultimately impacts my marriage.

So, my challenge to you this week, my friends, is to find you comfort zone, define the parameters and then jump right out of them!  You may be surprised what you may learn about yourself, those around you and the Lord himself. 

The next time someone says "there's bears in them woods" I can proudly reply, "maybe, but I'm not afraid!"  At least, there was this one time...........

Till next time, I'll be here reconnecting, disconnecting and staring at nature........... from my window!

Soaked in His blessings,
Spokenfor

Guard Duty and an Unattended Ham Sandwich

Imagine, if you will, a quiet afternoon.  The rain is falling softly outside my window.  I tucked in at my desk with a nice up of coffee and my schoolwork.  I can hear my music playing quietly and one of my boys stirring around in the kitchen.  My house is actually in a state of being fairly neat and tidy, if only because we had guests over this past weekend for the superbowl and the boys haven't had quite enough time to destroy it yet.  The overall picture is one of contentment and peace.  If you know me, at all, you know it wasn't meant to last....

As I sat at my desk delving into the wonders of the different methods of behavioral research (insert sarcasm here! ugh!), I was jarred from my peaceful contemplation by a sound that everyone who has ever owned an animal or a small child knows well. (yes, I realize you cant own a small child.  don't write me letters...)  It was the sound that usually comes in the middle of the night and makes you reach for your slippers before putting your feet on the floor.  It is the sound made when something has been ingested that a small tummy somewhere is not too happy about.

Those of you who have spent time here, in the scary alleyways of my brain, are aware of some of the many animals I share my home with.  (no, I'm actually not including my children in that statement!) This time I'm referring to the four-legged, furry ones.  This time, it was Koko, the once stray now dearly loved grey tabby that routinely makes my life crazy.  It is from the devil, the sound! Not Koko! (though some of the sounds and smells that come wafting from the general vicinity of the little box most definitely have their origins somewhere in the nether regions, but that's for another post)   I first heard it coming from the kitchen region, then just a few seconds later, from the hallway area, very shortly after that, he hit the dining room.  I refused to even get up and move that direction until the sounds ceased.  I had to hear them and I had to deal with the outcome, I didn't want to see it action!  Right about that time, Monkey boy came back down the stairs and announced to the world what the sounds had already told me.  Then, my luck changed.  Monkey Boy said "eewww! he's choking on a bunch of lunch meat!"  Lunch meat???  Where did the cat get lunch meant???  Did he grow a couple opposable thumbs and can open the refrigerator?  Nope, there was no evidence of evolution at work here.  It was simply a case of Monkey Boy making a sandwich and then running upstairs to get something and leaving aforementioned cat luring culinary delights unattended on the counter.  Once I got over my irritation about the fact that the cat was on my kitchen counter I realized I was off the hook for the clean up.  Monkey Boy is the one that caused the mess so he was the one that got to clean it up.  (score one for me) 

Is this just a cute  gross little story about cat puke and distracted teenagers?  Nay, my dear readers! There is a lesson here, believe it or not.  (I know some of you are sitting there thinking "where in the name of all that is holy is she going with this story?!  admit it!)  Let's look a little closer at this whole anecdote.  The problem did not originate with Koko and his insatiable hunger for all things deli. No, the problem came about because the meat was left unattended.  Koko was simply following his nose and his instincts.  He was just hanging out, prowling around seeking what he may devour.  (see where I going now???)  If Monkey Boy had had been a little more intentional about guarding his lunch for out of it flows the wellspring of life, this would never have happened.  (how about now???  get it now??) 

The point is, there are many things we have, peace, contentment, joy, health, relationships, but mostly our heart, that deserve to be guarded.  The word tells us in 1Peter 5:8 that we have an adversary who prowls around as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.  That is one reason why the Lord instructs us in Proverbs 4:23 that we should "above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."  We have been given wonderful gifts from the Lord, gifts of abundant life, joy, peace, so many things flow from his heart to ours.  It is important for us to consciously guard against the enemy who would love nothing more than to sneak in and devour.  Monkey Boy made his mistake by leaving his sandwich unattended, or unguarded and Koko devoured it.  What followed was a mess of epic proportions but he learned to be aware of the domesticated lion-ett who roams our house seeking what he may devour! 

This week, I would challenge you, my dear reader to be aware of the lion-etts in your life.  Make an intentional effort to guard your heart from those who would devour it with strife, gossip, bitterness, anger, or a multitude of other unnecessary and unpleasant things.  Become aware of what's in there.  It's hard to guard something you don't know, now isn't it?  Let the Lord show you where your weaknesses are, where the wounds that weaken your heart are.  That is where the enemy is going to target you, in your weaker areas, but in your weakness He is made strong.  So dust off that armor and take a stand in defense of your heart.......and your lunch.  Because a point could be made for the importance of them both!

Until next time, I'll be here chasing kids, herding cats and buying more lunch meat!

Soaked in His blessings,
Spokenfor 

Don't Hang Your Hopes on Malfunctioning Christmas Hooks

Yes, this is a new year’s/Christmas post.  Yes, I realize that it is now the end of January.  Yes, I am also aware that this fact means that I am late posting my new year’s/Christmas post.  I could weave an elaborate tale to excuse this lapse, but it’s late and I’m tired and my brain has used up all the available bandwidth for the evening, so let’s just say that, yeah, it’s late...

This is the time of year when we all reflect on the past 12 months.  In my case, I reflect on the past 12 months and breathe a sigh of relief that I managed to keep all of the creatures that insist on calling me “Mom” alive for another year.  There were no bones broken, no stitches required, no major illnesses, no major car accidents, no one was thrown out of school, arrested, or labeled a delinquent.  All in all, that adds up to a pretty good year for me. 

Most of you know that I returned to school recently to finally pursue my dream of a degree, an actual piece of paper to prove that I have a working brain in my head that does something other than keep my hair from falling out!  (come to think of it, what does that say about J??) Because of the craziness of my new schedule, (okay, you caught me! My schedule had nothing to do with it!! I’m just crazy!!) we were a little late getting the tree up this year.  We finally managed to get it up and decorated.  I use the term “we” loosely.  In years past it was a family affair, this tree decorating thing.  I would prepare an abundance of junk food and we would make a party of it.  It evolved into a tradition with the same foods being prepared every year and the boys all joining in to get the ornaments on the tree.  Now that they are older and busy with much more important things like girlfriends and video games, they still show up for the party, but now it’s only for the food.  They make a plate and disappear back upstairs or park themselves on the couch to shout instructions to those of us trying to adorn the evergreen.  This year proved no different.  The only time the older boys hung an ornament was when we ran across one they had created or one that had their name on it.  We all have special ornaments that carry special memories for us, even J. 

Many years ago, when we were a young, broke couple with a couple of kids and continuing his college education was still a dream, I bought J a Ga Tech ornament.  It was gold and black and had Buzz the bee on it.  Every year, even if he did nothing else, J would hang his Ga Tech ornament.  This year, however, I feared the tradition may come to an end.  I couldn’t find it!  I reached the bottom of the box and it was nowhere in sight.  After digging around a bit, I found it down in the corner under some packing paper.  I was so excited.  J had already gone back upstairs so I walked over to the bottom of the stairs and, holding it proudly up by it’s little metal hook, I shouted “J! I found your Ga Tech ornament!!”  It was at that moment that the little metal hood that had steadfastly secured this little gold ball to nearly 20 different Christmas trees finally gave way.  As if in slow motion, I watched in horror as the much loved gold and black ball with the cute picture of Buzz on the side hit the hard wood floor and shattered into a million pieces. In disbelief, I realized I stood holding nothing but the top of that little metal hook.  My glorious shout of victory upon finding it was immediately followed up by an incredulous shout of “J! I broke your Ga Tech ornament!”  He told me later he thought I was kidding him.  Sadly, I was not.  

Is there a lesson here, you ask?  Well, yes dear reader! There is always a lesson!  I guess you could say I had become somewhat complacent about my ornaments.  I had not really looked at them, checked them over for damage or weakness in, well, ever! So it completely caught me off guard when it broke.  I am reminded of the scripture that says “Be careful when you think you stand, lest you fall”.  I had assumed the little gold hook would continue to hold the same as it always had, and therein I made my mistake – I assumed.

One thing I have learned, is the danger of assumptions.  We can get into trouble when we assume the Lord is telling us to ______________________, (fill in the blank) just because our friends or family members are doing it. It could be working in the nursery at church or teaching a Sunday school class, singing in the choir, reading that popular book, shaving the cat, taking underwater basket weaving, bull-fighting, mud wrestling or belly-dancing.  (is it just me, or did that list somehow go waaaay off track???)  Here’s the deal, even good deeds done for the wrong reasons become bad.  There is a verse in Ephesians 2:10  For we are God’s handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Pay attention to the last little bit of the verse – “God prepared in advance for US to do”.  That is a personal thing, that’s not really a royal “us” there.  God has a plan for each one of us that includes certain tasks for us to do.  What do you think happens when we decide to take on something the Lord does not mean for us to attempt?  Sure, in our natural giftings we can manage to achieve some success at times, but at what cost?  If we are doing something not mean for us, that means it is meant for someone else.  If we are doing it, that means they are not doing it.  (I know that’s a difficult concept for some, but stick with me here)  If they are not doing what the Lord means for them to do, they are not learning the lessons the Lord had for them to learn as they completed that task, whatever it may be. So while we may be fulfilling our need to be Susie Spiritual, we are robbing a brother or sister of a blessing from the Lord.  Just because we can do something, doesn’t mean that we should. The Lord is pleased with a heart that desires to serve others, but let’s make sure that as we are busy working for him, that we are not simply attempting to fill the places in our heart meant for relationship with him with that busyness.   It’s important to not assume that just because there is a need and you can, that you are the one meant to fill it.

 

Assumptions can get us into trouble.  They can take us places we were never meant to be and therefore don’t have the grace for.  In the coming year one of my goals is to stay on track a little better, to exercise my faith by listening for his voice.  Lately, the only exercise I seem to get is when I jump to conclusions and run off at the mouth! But I digress... I challenge you, my lovely friends, to be careful not to fall into the old routine, the usual way of doing things simply because it is the way you have always done them.  Are you assuming that is the way it will always be?  I gladly share with you a page from the book of insanity that is my life so you may be spared the lesson I learned.  Assume nothing! Ask the Lord to show you where he may be leading you in the new year, what new things he may have for you and what new lessons there are to be learned. But don’t be surprised when the Lord shows up and asks you to take on something new, something out of your comfort zone. And when you’re standing on the edge of that cliff and the Lord tell you to step on out into thin air, don’t assume that he’s going to catch you.  He may just be teaching you to fly. 

Until next time I’ll be here, checking my hooks and cleaning up shards of gold and black glass as the fragrance of evergreen, pizza rolls and nacho dip still linger on the air...

As always, I’m soaked in His blessings,

Spokenfor

The Psychology of smelly cats and melted wax

It's been quite a while since I sat down and put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard as the case may be, in order to share with you the strange ramblings in my head.  But I had an interesting thing happen this morning and that, coupled with the throngs (at least 2 or 3!) of people who have emailed me to ask when I would write again, I decided it was time to welcome you into my slightly off-kilter world once again. 

Those who know me IRL and some of you who are my virtual friends only, know that I returned to school this past year.  I am well on my way to finally earning my degree in Psychology.  I thought since I had spent so much time in therapy already I should have a pretty good handle on things.  So I commandeered the front room, as we call it, and turned it into my office.  I got a desk (thanks, Mom!), painted the walls, got some shelving (again, thanks, Mom!) and even let J have a little table across from me to do whatever it is he does in his home office.  The problem is there is one other thing that had to stay in my office; Koko's litter box.  I know what you're thinking, but there was no other place for it and since he is carrying on a strange bromance with one of my boys, I couldn't very well toss the little furball out and break up such a wonderful example of cross-species male bonding.  So the box is in my office but I did set up a quaint little picture frame screen to shield it and add privacy.  The privacy is for me, he certainly doesn't care!  As you can see from the picture that I hopefully was able to upload here, there are, as of yet, no pictures in the frames but I'm working on it. The boys most helpfully suggested pictures with different poses of the different cats utilizing the hidden receptacle but I quickly vetoed their gross, although bizarrely clever idea.

 Koko is an interesting cat.  He was a stray that found a home with us a while back and I don't think he had his mommy cat long enough as he has a tendency to try to nurse your ear if you let him.  (that's a different post all together)  Here's the thing with Koko though, as cute as he is, as funny as he is and as much as I enjoy him, he does things behind that screen that have made wallpaper remover unnecessary.  It never fails when I am racing a deadline on an important assignment he will hear the call of nature and make a visit to my office.  Sometimes I am sure I can hear him muttering in his little kitty voice in his hidden corner; "meow! what did I eat?!  Wow!  I don't remember that!" as the foul fog slowly drifts over my office in a manner similar to the old horror movie "The Mist".   I've gone through 2 goldfish and several house plants and I finally decided something had to be done!

All of that leads me to today's little lesson.  Have you guys seen the plug in wax warmers?  They are cute little ceramic bowls that plug in and when you put a cube of vanilla scented wax on the plate that sits on them, it melts and releases a lovely cat box odor covering fragrance.  So when Koko came running, and I do mean RUNNING, down the stairs this morning and went straight behind the screen, I knew what was coming.  So I plugged in my new little contraption and waited for the lovely fragrance.  A few minutes later, I removed my gas mask to test the air quality and was disappointed to find it still not breathable.  When I checked my little gadget, I found it was hot.  It was so hot, in fact, that the bottom of it had slightly melted the plastic on which I had set it but the plate where you put the wax was barely warm!  I fiddled with it (yes, it's a word, it's a Southern thing!) and fiddled with it.  It was so hot, I had to use pot holders to move it around and I still couldn't figure out why it wasn't working.  I couldn't hold my breath much longer so I had to work something out.  I could see that the plate that held the wax didn't sit right down on the little bowl thingy, that had to be the problem!  I picked it up and turned it over to look at the bottom, and that's when it hit me.  I had the bowl upside down.  I had set the plate on the bottom of the bowl and put the heating element directly down on the plastic!  In my defense, that is the way it was in the box, I had just taken it out and plugged it in!  After setting things right, the wax melted and it now smells better in here, a little like vanilla scented cat litter, but I digress..... 

Those of you who are frequent visitors to the intricacies of my life know there is always something else to the story and this one is no different.  How much time did I waste holding my breath, melting plastic and generally fussy with things unnecessarily?  All I needed to do was to retrieve the instructions from the box in the trash where I had filed them and read!  I thought I had it all figure out on my own.  How many times in life have we done the same thing?  There is a verse that says "There can be a way that seems right to a person, but at it's end are the ways of death" (Proverbs 14:20 CJB)
Just like I had been given instructions on the proper set up and use of my wax melter thingy, we have been given instructions on the best way to walk out our lives.  We have been given the word in written form and, even better, we have complete access to the author so we can be sure we are understanding it.  I lost time messing around with my gadget, but worse, I have, many times, lost time going down the wrong path because I didn't consult my instruction manual.  I lost time wandering down the path of unforgiveness, the road of gossip, the trail of judgement, and the avenue of pride.  It was only when I finally realized things were not going as they should, that I was not where I wanted to be, that I went back, checked the instructions and figured out where I went wrong.  After that, it wasn't long before things started smelling a lot better in my life! 

So that is my challenge to you, my dear readers.  Hang on to that instruction manual, better yet, hang out in it, soaking up every word. And when you have trouble getting a grip on what it is saying to you, you can always ask the author.  He's sitting right there with you.  There is no need to stumble around in the smelly darkness trying to figure out how to work things on your own.  Be smart! Go read the instructions! 

Until next time, I'll be here, studying hard, reading the instructions, psychoanalyzing the cat,
and transferring my gas mask to the boys bathroom.  It's almost time to clean it, but that's another smelly post for another time!

As always, I am soaked in His blessings,

Spokenfor

Hair Cuts, Sweaty Boys and Growth Hormones

Summer is finally coming to an end.  In some ways it feels as if it has lasted two lifetimes but that is not unusual when you have 57 boys in your house.  (those of you who know me, know that I never and I mean never exaggerate!)  In other ways, it feels as if I only blinked twice and fall is on the horizon.  School starts back, for us, Monday. The new school clothes have been purchased, the needed supplies are stacked in the dining room waiting to be shoved into new backpacks and school lunch goodies line the pantry.  The only thing left, was the necessary back to school haircuts.  

            

Yesterday found Scamp and I at the salon, or as an 8yr old boy calls it, “the haircut place”.  His golden curls had been let go for the summer and now framed his face beautifully and rested down on his shoulders in a manner quick to bring flashes of envy to every female.  He is still my baby and I don’t mind if he looks the part.  He jumped up into the chair and I, trusting the friend who was doing the cutting, went and sat down out front to get some reading done.  I had no idea this so called “friend” either secretly hated me or held a grudge against angelic looking little boys.  Imagine my shock when, a mere 15 minutes later, a half-grown boy walked up to me and called me mom!  I almost expected him to ask for the car keys!  His curls, while still very much there, were short and manageable and neat.  In actuality, she had done exactly what I had asked her to, but I had no idea what would be the outcome!  Somehow, in that short window, with nothing more than a spray bottle, a pair of scissors, and a comb, she had transformed my baby!  ( I thought that was water in the spray bottle. Now I’m wondering if it was growth hormones!)

It was one of those pivotal moments we sometimes have as parents, one of those moments when you look down and realize you have crossed into the next phase in the life of your child and you never even saw it coming.  Suddenly, my little Scamp seemed to talk more and express himself better.  He stood a little taller and was a little more independent.  All of this happened in the course of one 15 minute haircut.  Or did it?  If I step away from it and try to gain a little perspective, I am forced to admit these changes have been coming for a while, no matter how hard I tried to make it not so.  He was already growing up, I just couldn’t see what he was becoming because I couldn’t let go of what he once was. 

Did you read that last sentence – I mean really read it?  How many times have we missed out on something new the Lord was doing because we couldn’t let go of the things he had already done?  It can cause such turmoil in your life and in your heart.  Scamp had already left toddlerhood long ago, zoomed through the preschool age and made short work of 1^st and 2^nd grade but I had somehow almost missed it totally because in my head he was still my baby.  I wonder how much of this stage I would have missed out on because I couldn’t see it for what it was.  You see, it doesn’t matter if I realize it or if I acknowledge it, he is growing up.  There is a statement that I like to say to my boys that annoys them (why do you think I say it to them?! A mom needs to have a little fun!); “your acceptance of the truth is not necessary to establish it as truth”.  In kid terms; “it is what it is whether you like it or not!” 

There are advantages to my experience yesterday at “the haircut place”.  It has made me so much more aware of the reality of where my kids are in their lives, and because of that, I am more appreciative of the time I have with them.   Last night, as I was putting Scamp to bed, I laid down beside him and shared his pillow for just a bit.  He put his put his arm around my neck, snuggled down on my shoulder and said “you’re my best girl”.  When I could speak again, I told him he was my best boy.  Then he smiled so sweetly, gave me a kiss and closed his eyes.  I lay there holding my now half-grown youngin and tried to capture in my mind exactly the way that moment felt; the softness of his now shortened curls on my cheek, the feel of his head on my shoulder, the way his breathing became slower and deeper as he dozed and even the way he smelled. It is no longer that indescribable baby fragrance of powder and formula and diapers. Now it’s more the smell of sweat, creek water, dirt, nerf guns and maybe little green crabapples.  So goes the way of life and raising boys.

My challenge to you this week is to take a good look at those around you and yourself.  Ask the Lord to open your eyes to let you really see your loved ones as they are now, in this moment, today.  Let us not allow the treasured memories of what once was hamper our ability to make and enjoy delightful new ones. Let’s live in today’s reality.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to rescue the cat from the dryer.  It seems third graders have some unique ideas of fun!

Till next time, I’ll be here – sniffling a little, snuggling a little, but mostly learning to live in the moment because one trip to the salon taught me an important lesson.  When you’re raising kids, there’s no time to blink!

Soaked in His blessings,

Spokenfor