Ditching the tour group, dancing out!

I am in a funk tonight, a big, blue funk. I knew it was bound to happen at some point. The excitement of the move has worn off and real life, once again, has begun to emerge. It's not that I don't absolutely love my new house, I do, I really do. My current tour of the pit of depression has more to do with the lack of connections here. That's not even completely true. There have been some tentative forays into the land of new relationships, but these things take time. I like the new church God has lead us to. I know, in time, I will probably love it, but, that too, takes time. I was speaking with our new Pastor this morning after service. I guess, despite my attempt to appear my usual bubbly, sunny self, I looked a little down. Pastor Awesome stopped, looked at me, and said "you're ready to go home, aren't you?" I told him no, I was fine, just having a bit of a rough day. Pastor Awesome, being, indeed, awesome, quickly surmised that I was feeling a little homesick. He told me this place would never be as good as home, but, despite the whole awesome thing, I have to disagree with him on that one point.

I look at it this way. God brought us here, I know that. I know that he had this house for us and this church for us and these people for us. Having a history with God and his amazing, all consuming love for me I have to believe He has wonderful things planned for me here. That doesn't mean this can ever be the same as home, home will always be home, after all, a wise man I once knew said "you can't change where you came from". However, God's word promises my latter will be greater than what has come before. This tells me things get better and better when we walk with Him. I didn't say easier and easier, anyone who has walked with Him for any length of time knows that is not necessarily the case. But, easier doesn't always mean better anyway. Sometimes the thing that will make us the happiest is the hardest and scariest thing to do.

I intend, therefore, to call Pastor's wife, Mrs Awesome and sign up for the worship team's upcoming auditions. Those of you who know me, know I haven't been involved in music for quite some time. I had a bad experience when I left the worship team at a church we were once involved in. I stepped down and have never had the opportunity nor the guts to create another opportunity, to be involved in the worship at any other church we have been to. I love music, I love worship, I love to point the way into the peace and grace and all consuming everything that opens to us as we worship, but I have let fear stand in my way. I have the little voices in my head that tell me my voice is not what it was, not what it should be, not what anyone would want it to be. But, I have learned, we are happiest operating in the gifts the Father has so lovingly given us. So, as hard as it is, as scary as it is, I have determined to step out and audition. They may hear me sing and show me the door, either way it doesn't matter. I will grow in the process.

I may never win a Grammy, never sing to Presidents or kings, never again have an audience bigger than little Scamp when I tuck him in at night, at least by the world's view. But I know, when I open my mouth and pour my heart into song I am singing for the King of Kings, and making Him happy is a much higher goal. He doesn't care if I'm a little off key or my voice is still a little scratchy. His word says He sings over me and I am absolutely blown away by that statement. There is a song that says "I love my Father, my Father loves me, I dance for my Father, my Father sings over me, and nothing, nothing, nothing can take that away from me, Dancing with my Father God in fields of grace!" I love the image these words create, so free, so childlike, so real.

Why not make it your goal this week to take time to sing and dance with your Father in fields of grace? There is such peace and joy in just being with Him. Take time to just be with Him, not ask, not beg, not complain, not seek forgiveness or direction or provision or even blessing, just be. That, in itself, is the greatest blessing.

I'm out of here, my dance partner is waiting and there's no need for allergy medicine in fields of grace!

Soaked in His blessings,
Spokenfor